Healing occurs in layers, and there’s always more to do. Even if you intend that you go straight to the root cause to clear something, which I always do these days, it may still take a while to filter that healing completely through all your bodies – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. As your consciousness expands and your self-awareness deepens, so you’re more able to access facets of an issue that have been buried and cleverly cloaked within you for a long time or even invoked by more recent knowledge and experience. Rather than feel frustrated when that same old chestnut pops up for examination, as I know I sometimes feel, see it as a sign of development and growth that you’re now ready to dig into something a little more thoroughly.
So it wasn’t totally surprising when the whole issue of personal power, my old friend, waved a rather wicked hello to me again at the beginning of this year. As so often happens, it began with external circumstances hinting at something I needed to look at. My car failed to start a few times, and needed a new battery. Then my laptop stopped recharging its battery through the mains cable, until eventually the charging lead gave out altogether and wouldn’t even power the computer when it was plugged in to the wall. It’s just so fabulously literal isn’t it?! Sometimes the universe decides to get right up in my face!
I myself had been feeling tired for a couple of weeks, the kind of tired that I’ve come to recognise as suppressed or blocked energy, so I knew there was something preventing a free flow of love and life-force current within me. In perfect and divine timing an invitation to a workshop landed in my email Inbox, entitled “Story-telling for Change-makers”. As you will know, I adore all stories and the telling of them through books, film, and performance. I signed up at once. Now at this point I didn’t make a link between my power issue and this workshop (I know, I know! Like I said, the universe is sometimes forced to resort to a rather large bat). So when I was asked to choose something I felt passionate about to bring to the weekend as the base material for my story, my battery problems weren’t uppermost in my mind. I just went with what was coming up for me a lot in my work, which was the thing I have to insist on most for pretty much all of my healing and guidance clients – the need to honour and take better care of themselves before giving out so much of their love and energy to others.
Over the weekend, we learned to engage others in our subject through story and ways to structure that story so that we got our message across in the most effective way possible. As a result, I ended up telling my own personal story of struggling with lack of confidence and the ability to be myself as a child. This was reflected in recurrent throat and cough illness as I habitually didn’t speak or express my own truth but rather tried to be what others wanted me to be, which continued until my marriage exploded and I was led to explore healing, self-awareness and spiritual growth. I could tell something was up because I usually sleep well, but both nights before the workshop I was restless and unable to settle, waking up for no apparent reason and then struggling to drift off to sleep again. By the end of the second day when it was time to tell my story to the group, I was feeling completely exhausted and also a little spaced out and shivery cold (symptoms I always exhibit during and after a deep healing process). I don’t know how I managed to get through the delivery, but I was aware that the story emerged with much more raw emotion than I’d envisaged.
The next day I went to pick up my laptop from the repair shop, only to find that the new charger hadn’t arrived as expected and so I had to take away a temporary one just to keep the computer running for work. That night I had the most powerful, vivid dream. I can’t remember all the details, but I was vehemently shaking the shoulders of a little, brown-haired girl, screaming into her face with out-of-control anger. As I woke up, the sheer force of that passion was still coursing through my physical body which was rigid and aching with the tension of containing that much emotion. The very rare times I remember feeling quite that ferociously furious was when one of my sons had done something to endanger themselves and I had genuinely feared for their safety.
It suddenly fell into place. I was mad at the child I’d been for giving her power away and for not understanding her true beauty and worth. Yes, I’d done the work (am still doing the work) of healing my inner child herself, but recently the adult, more self and spiritually aware me had begun to rage at this child who was exposing herself to hurt and struggle by giving away her sovereignty. Part of me was desperate to get her to wake up and spare herself all the hassle. Of course the conscious me wouldn’t change a thing about my life as I know that every experience, both beautiful and painful, has brought me to this exact place in which I need to be. But just like with my own children, if I felt I could keep them safe and prevent any impending trauma then I would.
Immediately my body began to soften and relax with this understanding, and I could already feel the energy begin to flow smoothly through the tissues and expand out into my auric field. Inside I’d been warring with myself and this conflict had been holding my energy to ransom. A disturbing dream of a few days previously also made sense, where I’d been battling viciously against my eldest son with a lethal-looking axe! Now I could hug that little girl that was me and love her in all her uncertainty, reassuring her that one day she’d figure it all out, reclaim her power, and help others do the same because she understood what lack of confidence and powerlessness felt like.
I was just wondering what positive and affirmative note I could end on, when would you believe it?! At that very moment, as I was formatting this article for publishing, the phone rang and the repair shop informed me my new laptop charger is available for pick-up! I love the way my life works. By the way, I can thoroughly recommend the wonderful workshop by the talented facilitator and story-teller Inez Aponte, offered through her company Growing Good Lives.
Inner child work is just one aspect of the Intuitive Healing I offer to enable you to enjoy harmony and well-being as an embodiment of your divinity.